Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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