His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
