I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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