I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
