Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
