It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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