you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
