Yo dont text me then not text me
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
