i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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