I'm gonna have a badass scar
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
