I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
As shirtless as possible
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
A+ Viking dick
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
