My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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