You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
