Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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