i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
