Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
