apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
