You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
