Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
