Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
