sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
