I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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