I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
