I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
