She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
