Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
