I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I lost the right to judge tonight
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
