So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Houston, we have a blender
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
