No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
