Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
