I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
