Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
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If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
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I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.