His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face