can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
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Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.