I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch