i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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