My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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