believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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