I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
