I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
