checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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