I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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