i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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