did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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