I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
