Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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