I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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