i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
