you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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