So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She told me I should be a condom model.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
