just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
