so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
