:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
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I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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