We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
