my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
