I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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