he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
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Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
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Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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