In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
