I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
