When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
